- You are an amazingly talented woman.
- Thank you.
- I mean, you have an amazing voice.
I love...
I've said that to you before.
- Thank you.
- You're a great artist,
and you write...
and you write great songs.
- Thanks.
- I just think you're so talented.
- Oh, thank you.
- Are you surprised by all the attention
that is going on right now surrounding you?
- To be honest, Ellen, no.
I'm just so excited to announce my record with Kanye
and my movie with Robert Pattinson
that is gonna do great in theaters.
- We're gonna do "would you rather."
Would you rather date Robert Pattinson
or Taylor Lautner?
- Oh!
You're so bad.
I have a boyfriend, Ryan Gosling.
But, actually, on a serious note,
Ryan and I will be going back to my hometown
to open an owl sanctuary.
My dumb hometown.
- Excuse me.
- I have a question about the metal.
I... can I just dump this?
I have a used kettle.
Do I put it in the regular trash,
or do I put it...
- Plug-in or stove-top?
- Plug-in.
- Hey, Rich.
- Hey, Dave. Dale around?
- Yeah, he's inside.
- Who's she?
- I don't know.
New, I guess.
- Man, there's more and more of them every day, right?
Fucking "citiots."
- Hey, did you get your road paved yet?
- Don't start in on that shit with me, Dave.
- That's your tax dollars, you know.
I wrote two letters to the ACLU
because I didn't get my due allotted time
at a town council meeting.
- See, the problem is,
you've got these troglodytes running everything,
and guess what direction they're running towards:
the ground.
Everything.
Every institution that these morons deem precious...
the IMF, the UN, the DEA, FDA, HEF, CDC, everything...
is being run right into the ground.
And they're all in collusion with each other.
That's how it works.
You have been sold a false bill of goods, my friends,
and now it's time for these insipid ignoramuses
to crawl back under the rocks they came from
and leave the seeding and the flowering of liberty
to those that can nurture and care for it:
you and me, my friends.
We need to drain the swamp.
Top of the next hour,
we're gonna talk to Lieutenant Grace Rittle,
ex-military command...
- Day 128.
- Hello, Mr. Stuben.
This is Megyn McKibbons
with the Montgomery County Commissioner's Office.
We received your emails and phone messages.
As you are aware, the council meets every...
- I already knew that.
- And council meetings are open to the public.
Public comment may be made in person
at the county council meeting
or prior to the meeting via regular U.S. mail.
- Hi, Dad!
- Hey.
- Oh, my god, I have to ask you a huge favor.
- I need to borrow... - Here we go.
- Borrow, not take or have.
I need to borrow $300.
- I don't have that kind of money to throw around, Katelyn.
- I know, Dad; I know, I know.
But it's really, really important.
It's for my demo.
My friend Julie... you know her; you really like her.
She has a cousin; he's super cool.
Okay, Dad, he has a studio in his house.
He'll let me record my demo in his house.
- But I thought American Idol already said no.
- God, Dad, it's not American Idol.
I already told you that.
It's The Voice.
Shakira's on it.
- Babe, I just don't have that kind of money.
Besides, you still owe me
the money you borrowed to get the car fixed.
- I know, I know, I know I still owe you for that.
Dad, just please, please,
just add it to what I owe you.
- Babe, I just don't have any cash.
I really don't.
- Okay, well, then, like, $100, then?
Because I'm gonna have $200 left over after rent this month.
Is that good?
- I mean, what if you just move back in for a bit?
- Oh, my god, Dad, no.
And I'm working at the Tap tonight.
That's my third shift this week,
so I'll definitely have the money
by, like, next Friday or the Friday after that for sure.
- Have you asked your mom? She could maybe...
- She's at Mohican Sun with T.J. and Dave.
Come on, who the fuck knows when she'll be back?
Oh, my god.
Oh, thank you.
- I don't know what I have.
Is that okay?
- Dad, thank you.
Oh, my god!
- Okay, okay.
- Thank you!
- Hey, hey.
You want to stick around for dinner?
I got Old El Paso taco shells.
- Oh, I love those.
I can't, though,
'cause I got to talk to Julie about recording.
- Okay.
Yeah, I've been making tacos myself.
- Oh, that's great!
- I just cut up a turkey burger or meat loaf.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
It's like a Southwestern taco.
- That sounds good, Dad.
- Yeah, it's good.
Come by tomorrow night; I'll be here.
- Okay, Dad.
- And watch out for that goddamn pothole, okay?
- All right.
I love you.
- Love you too, Honey.
- Thanks.
- 'Sup, Katelyn?
- Hi, Cory.
- Looking good.
You working at the Tap tonight?
- No shit, Sherlock.
- You know, I was thinking about swinging by there later.
- Oh, my god, yeah? - Yeah.
- I'll tell Julie; we'd love to have you.
We'll give you a vodka-soda... not!
Motherfucker!
- Shut up.
Are you for reals?
Julie, look, look!
- That's so cool.
Who's on the cover?
Oh, god, I hate that bitch.
She's so nothing.
I can't.
I told you, I'm at the Tap tonight.
I know, you're, like, officially famous now.
Yeah.
- Oh, my god, your iPhone case is so cool.
It's a tree stump.
- No, it's a turtle.
- It's a tree stump. - It's a turtle.
Shut up, bye.
Guess what; you'll never guess.
- What? - Amber Hartley got published.
- What?
Like, where?
- In this week's People magazine,
the one with Katy Perry on the cover.
She got a letter published,
like, congratulating them
on their coverage of the Bristol Palin story.
It has her name, the town of Liberty, all that.
People magazine!
Pretty cool.
- I mean, I guess that's cool.
Where'd you get that case?
I really want one.
It's so cool.
- I got it from Etsy.
- Who's that?
- Shut up, you mean you've never heard of Etsy?
- Oh, the Jewish girl from the canoe rental place?
- No, it's a website, Etsy.
It's a crafts website.
Oh, my god!
You're gonna freak.
Actually, I was just about to buy
this super cute hand-knit baby sweater hoodie thing.
Look.
- Another fucking baby shower.
It's, like, my fifth this summer.
Oh, my god!
That is so cute.
- Right?
It says, "Property of no one.
I am a human being; I am not property."
Which is perfect, 'cause of Courtney's trial and all.
- Uh-huh.
- This lady in Brooklyn makes them.
- How is it vegan?
- Oh, hey, just got another order
for the feminist theory onesie.
- Oh, cool, it's shipping to Park Slope?
- No, Upstate.
- Really? - Yeah.
- Huh.
- Yeah... oh, FYI,
I'm down to the last batch of boxes, Honey.
- Oh, I know, I'm on it.
By the way, Baby,
it won't be long before I don't need to rely
on the mill anymore at all,
because I'm getting really super good
at the wood pulp processing part myself.
- That would be so great.
- I know, freedom.
- Yeah.
- I think it's Bennie.
Let me check.
- Oh, little Bennie.
- Bennie.
Hey, Bennie, come on in.
- Hi, Bennie, how's it going?
- Did you get here safe?
- Yeah, all good, all good.
How's biz?
- Oh, you know, it's good.
It's pretty sweet, you know?
- Yeah, it's really good.
- Yeah, good.
- Do you want some sun tea?
- No, no, no, I really cannot.
- Oh, okay.
- So, all good?
- Yeah. - Oh, yeah.
Oh, you need to get that?
- No, no, it's fine.
It's fine.
Good, how's the box thing you wanted to do?
- Oh, you know, it's good.
I'm really, like, mentally, like, fit,
but, like, I think just distressing
that people don't care about homemade,
hand-crafted cardboard boxes, you know?
It's a beautiful process.
Oh, you need money.
- Yeah.
Great, oh, yeah.
- There you go. - Thank you.
Sweet, so this is the Devastator.
I'm all out of Crimson Nightshade,
but this is really similar.
- Oh... um...
- It is really similar.
It's, like, maybe a bit more of an up.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, no, no.
Sure, sure, sure.
It's just that Crimson Nightshade
is, like, my special weed.
- Well, you know, this is pretty much the same thing.
I mean, I got President's Choice.
I got Queen Latina, Young Philosopher.
Corduroy Pillows, They're Making Headlines,
Black History Month.
It's all, like, you know, pretty mellow body-high stuff.
- Yeah, well, see, the thing is, like,
Crim Shade gets me these ideas,
like, I never otherwise would have thought of.
- Yeah.
- Oh, Bennie, I'm so sorry.
- No, it's cool. - Yeah, no.
- It's cool.
I should have some by tomorrow.
- Totally sorry.
- I'll swing by then, yeah.
- You can get that.
- No, I'm gonna take off.
And I'll see you tomorrow.
- Are you sure we can't get you something?
- No, I'm all good, thanks.
Yeah, thanks, Maddy.
No, I'll just see y'all tomorrow, okay?
- Yeah, yeah, tomorrow, sure.
- Yeah, Crimson Nightshade.
Oh, shit, okay.
I got to run.
- Yeah, you want me to help you out?
- Please.
- The steps are uneven.
- Yeah, I know.
- Sometimes they catch on bike wheels.
- Bye.
- Okay, bye.
You know what, I got to talk to the city.
We need to, like, have really much safer,
like, bike-friendly steps.
Baby...
Sweetie-pie...
Honey-bear...
- I know, I know.
No, I know, it's just...
- What?
- I just really want...
- Shh.
You know we can't.
Not us; we can't.
- Hey, smart-ass.
I know you hit "ignore,"
because it's going straight to voicemail.
Look, I have a town council tonight,
but I need to talk to you about your brother,
so call me back.
Okay, Hon, love you, bye.
- Hey, Ms. Casserta.
You got another message from that guy Dave Stuben again.
- Oh, for Chrissakes, that pain in the ass.
- What should I do?
- Ignore it.
How many times do I have to tell that guy
the same thing over and over again?
- Should I respond to him?
- What?
I just said ignore it.
I got to go to Wal-Mart,
pick up that crap for the meeting.
- Did you watch last night?
- Teen Mom? Yeah.
- Can you believe Brooklyn?
- She called the cops on her fucking mom.
Like, who does that?
- Yeah, that, but...
she's giving out an award at the MTV Movie Awards.
- Her?
- I mean, I guess she's famous now, so...
- Speaking of famous, I forgot to tell you...
my dad gave me the money.
- Awesome.
I'll tell Julian you're ready for the recording.
- What are you talking about? What recording?
- Oh, didn't I tell you about getting on The Voice?
- Huh? - Yep.
Gonna make my audition, send it in,
and then I will be on The Voice this season.
- Ha-ha, yeah, right.
- What are you gonna sing?
- Brave by the artist Sara Bareilles.
- Ha-ha!
Ah-ha-ha!
Oh!
- Fuck you, Christian. - Enough.
Christian, go clean out the walk-in.
Julie, keep restocking.
Katelyn, I want to talk to you outside.
Oh, it's bright.
So... you got an audition for The Voice.
- Yeah.
- What, they said they'd just audition you?
'Cause that's usually not how it works.
- Yeah.
I'm sending in a recording,
and I will get an audition.
They told me that my last demo was so good
but that it was too low-quality 'cause I did it on my iPhone,
so I get to do a professional recording.
- Okay, well, you know,
they probably get a lot of submissions,
so I don't want you to get your hopes up too high.
- Yeah, thank you, Crystal.
They told me that as well.
- Who? Who said?
- Who?
The person I spoke to.
- The receptionist?
That's funny.
No, not the receptionist.
I don't know her exact president title, or whatever.
The person that works there.
- Okay, well, I just want you to know
it's not that easy, Katelyn.
- Crystal...
- No, I mean, they don't care about you at all.
These shows just use you and drop you
the second they don't have any use for you.
- Sweetie, that was Star Search Junior,
and that was a long time ago.
This is The Voice.
It's totally different.
- Wash your hands.
- Hey, girl.
- Hi, Cory.
Dude, do you want something?
Like...
- Yeah, I was wondering...
Gotcha, bitch!
- And I was like, "Hello!"
Cars are fishtailing everywhere.
I don't care if it's not your department.
I'm gonna keep calling
until somebody does something about this.
So anyway, I made another phone call
to the other department
and said that it's time for something to be done about this.
And I called the police department,
and they said it wasn't an emergency.
And I said...
- Time.
- "What do I have to do, wait until I kill somebody?"
- Time, Mrs. Torelli.
- Thank you.
- Dave Stuben.
- Dave Stuben, 16 Boylston Street.
Good evening, President Casserta,
trustees, citizens.
- Dave, I want to remind you...
- Thank you for the right to speak without interruption!
- I would appreciate it if you didn't yell at me, Dave.
- Reset the timer.
- Dave.
- Upon my behalf, I want it noted in the record
that this is an official complaint.
- We're not gonna do that, Dave.
- Okay, then I want it noted in the record that, once again,
I was denied my unalienable right
from the Constitution and Declaration of Independence.
- Terrific, noted.
- Okay.
So... February 6th, last year, for the record,
I said to Mr. Hurlickson,
I said, "Go get geothermal desalinization."
And you did not bring this up to the water department, did you?
And now I notice, driving through town,
that there is garbage everywhere, everywhere.
Just like Mr. Hernandez said, yeah.
And it's a disgrace,
because anybody driving through our town
would assume that it's just a great big slum.
And Liberty has gotten really ugly since the snow melt
after the St. Patrick's Day snowstorm.
Have you noticed? Have you noticed?
And there's potholes.
Potholes everywhere, Ms. Casserta.
There are potholes on my street, Boylston Street,
and there are potholes on...
Chandler Street and Benton Avenue...
and...
Willow Street.
Potholes on Willow Street.
And Railroad Avenue.
And the list goes on and on.
There are potholes everywhere.
And I think it's a disgrace that the DPW
did not go out to where I live and manage the overflow
on my street, Boylston Street.
And they never plowed my street, Ms. Casserta.
They never plowed it.
And there was a veterinarian who was on our street
to save Ms. Capelli's dog, who was stuck on the road.
And the people had to push her car.
And guess what.
That dog died because she couldn't get to it.
So you have blood on your hands of a dead dog.
You've all killed a dog.
And I would like to know if...
what other rental vehicles were out there, okay?
Because we have potholes.
- Time. - We have pot... we have potholes.
- Time. Thank you, Mr. Stuben.
- Well, and I think it's a crying shame, Ms. Casserta,
and you should table this.
You and Mr. Hurlickson should table this,
because this town is a farce!
- Time, Mr. Stuben.
- I can speak if I want to. - You just did.
- Oh, and where in the Constitution does it say
that a man only has three minutes to speak?
Show me, Ms. Casserta!
- We all have rules that we need to follow, Dave.
- There are no rules!
There's no Robert's Rules.
There are no rules!
I have a right to speak.
- Dave, we will have you arrested
if you don't leave, please.
- This is a waste of taxpayers' money.
- We've told you this before.
- This whole town council is under suspicion.
- Give us a break, Dave. - A break?
You want a break? You should give us a break.
Because you should be...
- That's it. You've been warned.
Arrest Mr. Stuben for disruptive behavior.
- You're gonna arrest me? Fine!
I will sue you, Ms. Casserta!
I will sue the city council.
I will sue the panel.
I will sue everyone in this city!
Excuse me, I need to get...
I have a right to my things.
I am a citizen. This is America.
You cannot take things from people.
I have a freedom of speech!
I demand three more minutes!
I request my rights as a citizen!
And I can talk over you without a microphone.
You will hear me!
Mel, Mel, just take a stand, Mel.
- Who's next? - You will hear me!
- Humella Alderton.
- Crimson Nightshade, as requested.
- Yes!
- Okay, ka-pow.
- Okay, fair trade.
- All right, thanks, man.
Oh, I got to show you this crazy, fucked-up thing
that happened last night at my mom's council meeting.
This guy went off.
He got arrested.
- Wait, no.
- Yeah, he's always showing up and ranting.
- What?
- Last night.
- And this was at a meeting?
- It's a crying shame, Ms. Casserta,
and you should table this.
You and Mr. Hurlickson...
- No.
Well, he has passion.
Fucking lunatic.
- Well, he's clearly disturbed.
- Oh, no shit, yeah.
- Are there more videos of this guy?
- Yeah, there's a bunch, yeah.
Just Google "Dave Stuben."
Actually, just Google
"crazy motherfuckers at town hall meetings."
There's, like, a million of these people.
- There are no rules!
- You can spend a whole day watching it.
Oh, all right, thanks, guys.
That felt good.
- Hey, don't be a stranger, okay?
I mean, our door is open anytime.
It doesn't even have to be
the purchasing or the buying of weed
or the selling of weed involved, you know?
I mean, just come on by.
Like, just raid the fridge, do some laundry.
- Okay. - Yeah.
Or maybe you and Donovan
could go to a baseball game together sometime.
- I don't know baseball.
- Donovan...
- Oh, yeah, you know, yeah, we can...
Yeah, we could go baseball sometime.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
That could be fun, kiddo.
- Yeah. - Afternoon outside.
- Want to go for the whole nine innings
and, like, you know, outside
in the big stadium with all the people?
It could be fun.
- Yeah, I could even, like, maybe...
I'll just bring, like, five friends or something.
- Or it could just be the two of you.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, I could pick you up, or we could meet there.
We could go to a papuseria there,
or just, like, outside of it.
They might not have them in the stadiums.
- No, no, I'll meet you there.
It's just kind of easier for you.
- I'll buy you a glove.
We'll go to the game,
and then we can...
you know, we could throw a...
throw a pitch afterwards.
- That would be so fun.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure.
Total fun, total fun, yeah.
- You know what?
We're gonna do a four-leaf clover
scavenger hunt next weekend, if you want to come.
- Oh, yeah, works for me.
- Stay for a snack. - Yeah, oh, actually...
- Thank you, again.
Thank you so much.
- Okay, okay.
- Okay. - Cool, cool.
- Bye, Bennie. Bye, Sweetheart.
- Bye.
- Bye-ee.
- Such a sweet kid.
I mean, I want one.
I really want one.
- I know, baby.
You say that every time he comes over.
I wish things were different, but they're not.
- Yeah, I know.
Just gonna get back to it.
You know, I just... I don't feel like working anymore.
I'm just gonna go take a bath.
I'm gonna go take a childless bath.
- Okay.
- I demand three more minutes!
Hi, I'm Katelyn.
- Hey.
- I'm...
I met you at Justin's graduation party
at Liberty Lake that one time.
- Yeah, yeah, no, I know.
- Oh, Julie told you about recording, right?
- Yeah.
- Oh, like, today, right?
- Yeah.
- Can I come in?
- Yeah, of course.
It'll take me a second to finish setting up.
Do you want to smoke up?
- Later.
My voice.
Oh, hey, Julian...
do you happen to have any hot tea
with lemon and honey and stuff?
It's really important for my voice.
- I have hot water,
not those other things.
- That's okay.
I have mentholated cough drops.
- You're just doing the one song, right?
- Yes.
- And you have the money?
- I do.
I'm so excited.
- Here you go.
- I started working on a backing track
that I was able to mess with.
- Cool.
- So it should be... good.
Supposed to be $500.
- What?
Oh, no, no, no, no.
Julie told me that it was supposed to be $300.
- Eh...
no, for a finished demo, $500.
- No, I was told $300, so I brought you $300.
- All right, I mean...
- Can you do it for $300?
Please?
- Please, please?
- I mean, my time is super valuable.
- Yeah.
Here's the thing, Julian.
I don't really have any extra money right now.
I'm working a lot, but I don't have much extra.
- Well, can you get it?
I mean, I'll wait.
- I can't get it right now.
- Sorry.
- Please?
- Well, maybe we could work something out.
- Oh, thank you so much.
- You can give me a blow job.
- No.
- All right.
- I can't.
My voice.
Well, then...
let me fuck you.
- Oh, my god.
No.
- Well, then, good-bye.
If you get the extra money, you can come back.
You can get a sweet demo.
- For real?
You want me to go, Julian?
You're gonna say no to $300?
That's a lot of money.
- You're gonna say no to $200
for a stupid blow job?
I mean, do the math.
It's a good deal.
- You're a loser.
- Eviction from a public forum
is a violation and malprac...
is representative of an incompetent bitch
running amok.
- Dad?
- Hey, pumpkin.
- Hey. - How'd the recording go?
- Oh, it was good.
- Yeah? - Yeah.
- Good for you.
I'm so proud of you.
When can I hear it?
- Oh, I'm not sure yet,
because, like, the guy, Julian, has to mix it, so...
- Oh.
- I don't know.
Um...
Dad, like...
I heard that you went to jail, or something?
- Oh, yeah.
Nothing to worry about.
Goddamn city council.
I'm gonna fix it.
Oh...
Do you have plans tonight?
You want to stick around for dinner?
I was thinking of ordering Chinese.
- I don't like Chinese food in the summertime.
- Pizza?
- Dad, what do you mean you're gonna fix it?
- I'm gonna get them to stop denying my civil rights.
- Maybe you should, like,
chill out on these meetings for a little bit, Dad.
- Well, why would I do that, Katelyn?
- Because they get you super upset and you turn into a...
- I only get upset when my common decent rights
are trying to be taken away by a bunch of goddamn Nazis.
- Oh, my god, do you see?
- What? Are you kidding me?
Look at these potholes!
They never plowed our street for a whole winter, not once.
Ask Mrs. Capelli.
Ask anybody on our block!
I'm paying taxes for that.
It's wrong!
- Okay.
It's wrong.
- Do you want to get pizza tonight?
- I can't; I have dinner plans.
- Maybe tomorrow?
- I'm going to Kanoga Lake.
But...
love you.
- Love you too.
- Bye, Dad.
- Bye, honey.
Watch the pothole.
- "Yada, yada, yada.
Ms. Casserta is an incompetent bitch."
"Incompetent" is misspelled, of course.
No, that's not the half of it.
He calls me a... let's see... a "dumb whore."
There's "fat," "ugly."
There's the "C" word.
No.
How many "C" words are there?
No, "cunt."
You know, I have had it with this guy.
I really have.
- Ellen, that's a great question.
Not, it really is.
I like that question a lot,
because I get asked it a lot.
Let's see, it all began when I was 8 years old
and I was grounded for sticking a Barbie purse up my nose,
and I was doing that a lot,
so I think my parents were a little worried
that I might have had a problem.
So it was a weird time.
Anyway, we were all home.
My parents were in the next room watching the Yankees game,
and I was in my room.
And all of a sudden,
somebody started singing God Bless America,
and I started singing along.
And my parents got quiet.
They were, like, silent.
And my mom goes, "Is that Katelyn?"
My dad was like, "Is that Katelyn?"
I mean, they were just shocked and floored.
And I was excited.
I think they were excited.
It was just a really...
You fucking douchebag!
That's fucking dangerous, you piece of shit!
- Wow, fuck you, douchebag.
That was really dangerous.
- Damn, girl, take it easy.
Yo, so I heard you be doing a demo with Julian for The Voice.
- Yeah.
And?
- That's dope.
Maybe I can be on the same episode, you know?
- That's really funny, Cory.
What do you want to do on it?
Like, I don't know, be in charge of the recycling?
- Spittin'.
Seriously, I'm the best rapper out there right now.
- Yeah, like you'll ever be on TV.
- I can make it on TV, easy.
- Whatever.
- Um, hey...
Um... you want to go to Kanoga Lake with me tomorrow?
It's gonna be a blowout.
- Like, maybe.
- You know, I asked Shawna to go,
but she can't 'cause she's got to babysit.
- Wow.
Fuck you, Cory.
- Fuck you too, bitch!
- Ellen, I'm so sorry.
That was rude.
Where were we?
Oh, right.
Was I always talented?
Yeah, well, I don't really know
how talented I was when I was just born, right?
I mean, did you?
But I always knew that I wanted to get out of Liberty
and that I wanted to be famous.
And, well...
it was kind of hard early on,
because my mom just wasn't really around much.
But my dad was so supportive...
and... encouraging and...
just a really...
good dad.
My dad is a really good dad.
- It's very frustrating to have to talk about this again.
But I had a great idea to help the unemployment problem.
This is a depressed county we live in,
and I suggested many times that we should get a...
I would like to register a complaint
against Minelli's, a restaurant that...
- Let's not start on that again.
- Everyone in this town is driving too fast,
and there are no posted signs
that encourage people to slow down.
- Time, Mr. Stuben.
- There are a few stop signs...
I would like to talk about the snowstorm from last week.
I'm having problems on my street,
Boylston Street,
because of the St. Patrick's Day snowstorm,
which my street was never plowed.
And I think that's farcical.
And...
I would like...
- Time, Mr. Stuben.
- My question is,
why wasn't my street...
- There is a reason why we have these time limits.
- And you can see here, he's calm and non-threatening.
He's just a simple man.
And what's happening is that they're shining him on.
They're agitating him,
trying to make him out to be the bad guy.
But it's not the case.
And this continues.
There's other videos, and I will show them to you.
All he's doing is seeking redress
from his so-called "elected government."
Yes, the floor recognizes Larson.
- Thank you.
I was just wondering if I could get some more hummus.
- Yeah, it's in the mini cooler, under the table.
Anyway, what I want you guys to understand
is that the town of Liberty, New York,
has become Berlin under Hitler.
What do we do?
I think this is the perfect project
for Think Tank to sort of take on.
We've been looking for a project in the region,
and I think Dave Stuben is this project.
Yes, yes, the floor recognizes Babatunde.
- What are you proposing exactly?
And for the record, I think he's a fascinating case.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.
I think, at this stage,
what I'd like to do is just start gathering,
you know, the pertinent information.
Then we'll start sort of the, like, the online,
you know, social media effort.
And when you combine that with boots on the ground,
that's when the movement starts to come together.
Think Tank will be famous.
I can see this thing going viral within, like, days, I guess.
- So it looks like we're all out of hummus.
- Then bring more next time, for yourself, I guess.
Anyway...
- Do you want me to ask Kusha to make some more galatke?
- Sure, yes, whatever.
Anyway...
this is our time.
- Yeah.
- History will be forced to move out of the way.
What happens when that happens?
Someone steps in to fill the vacuum.
History steps out of the way.
We move in...
to replace history.
This is our time, gentlemen...
and ladies...
and, I mean, any other genders
that are in attendance.
This is the moment.
And I, for one, am ready to pack up right now
and be ready to leave as early as Friday.
And what I want to know is...
- They're out of galatke.
Should I just call another friend that I have who's Polish?
- For the love of the devil, Larson!
Figure out the snacks on your own time!
I am talking about history!
And those who will make it!
Banks got bailed out!
We got sold out!
- Today I would like to register a complaint
about the oak tree that was cut down...
at the corner of Boylston...
- Time.
- And there are no posted signs
that encourage people to slow down.
- Get up off the ground.
That's all I ask.
- Speedbumps or flashing yellows or...
- Get up there with that lady,
that lady that stands for liberty.
- If you guys responded to emails...
- Take a look at this country through her eyes
if you really want to see something.
- Time.
- Let's get involved and get active.
- Dave, we will have you arrested.
- Why aren't citizens in the neighborhood
asked about their concerns?
This is our city, our town,
and I would request, if there are trees to be cut,
I would be happy to be part of that committee
for recommendation or refusal.
- The people in my state need permanent relief
from crooked men riding their backs.
- This is a depressed county we live in,
and I suggested many times
that we should get a professional sports franchise.
- Time, Mr. Stuben.
- Minelli's eliminated their Italian specialties menu,
specifically eliminating...
- Thank you, Mr. Stuben.
- Which is the only item...
- And the threat of aggression by any group, anywhere,
can no longer be tolerated.
- Because I have a voice, and I have a vote!
- Time, time.
Time, Mr. Stuben.
- This is America!
I demand three more minutes!
I request my rights as a citizen!
- Time, Mr. Stuben.
- I know not what course others may take,
but as for me...
give me liberty, or give me death.
- We used to go out with just my dad's .22.
It'd be me and James and Brant.
And we wouldn't even let Brant shoot.
- Hello, Rich.
- Oh, hey, look who it is,
Mr. Occupy Wall Street.
- I don't know about that.
- What happened?
- I was having my civil rights denied,
and I wasn't gonna take it anymore.
- Well, looks like we got Rosa Parks in here, huh?
- "I have a dream," right?
Old Dave has a dream
to climb to the mountaintop
of city council equality!
- I don't think that's funny.
- All right, Dave, all right.
It's okay.
- Chrissake, take it easy, Dave.
Um...
Oh, I tell you...
I traded Shanahan my Mossberg 535
for his Bellini SuperNova.
- All right.
- Fuckin' sweet 12-gauge.
Pistol grip.
- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah.
Well... see you later.
Bye, Oprah.
Shit.
- See, the system is counting on ignorance.
Ignorance is the wind which fills the sails
of these malicious miscreants.
They've forced their way into the driver's seat
and are happily steering us
in this runaway train,
hurtling towards...
and ultimately off the cliff!
We go begging to them with our tail between our legs,
asking for the fairest of...
- Mr. Stuben.
Mr. Stuben...
Dave Stuben.
- Yeah.
- I'm Officer Lemke.
This is Officer Blauser.
Do you mind if we talk to you for a minute?
- Yeah, I mind.
- It's about the threats you've been making
to Ms. Christina Casserta.
- No, I didn't.
And I know... I know my rights.
I get a lawyer.
If you're gonna come on my private property
and try to arrest me...
- Take it easy, Mr. Stuben.
We're not here to arrest you.
- Okay.
Well, then, get off my property.
- Mr. Stuben, we just wanted to let you know
that, even anonymously,
that online threats made to a public figure
are taken very seriously at our department.
- We're all aware of your disruptive behavior
at the last few city council meetings.
- You want to know about disruptive behavior?
How about you trying to take away
my basic civil rights as an American?
I'm getting harassed by the government...
- Relax, relax.
- On my private property.
I'll call the FBI!
I'll sue you and you!
I'll sue you!
- Put that down. - Calm down, Mr. Stuben.
Calm down.
We just wanted to make you aware
of what the current situation is.
- You've been warned, Dave.
You're gonna hear about this.
Think Tank?
What's this?
YouTube.
What's on YouTube?
- Baby cakes, baby cakes!
Dave wants to meet with us.
- Wha... Dave?
- The poor guy from Upstate who's being exploited.
- Oh, right.
- Yeah, he really wants us to help him.
- So you're just gonna drive Upstate
and do what now?
- Help him address his grievances with the state.
We're gonna record him.
We're gonna, like, take his message
and everything about him; we're gonna blast it out.
We're gonna blast the fuck out of it.
- Donovan...
- It's about social justice, babe.
It's about taking on state-sanctioned bullying.
It's about censorship.
- I'm pregnant.
- What? But...
Oh... oh, my god.
Oh, my god.
- No, I'm not; I'm not.
I just...
I really wanted to be able to say that.
- Maddy.
- But it was so dramatic, right?
- Maddy, focus, okay?
This is really big for Think Tank.
Everybody's gonna be there.
I mean, not everybody.
Obviously Gerald has to take care of his cats.
And I think Janelle has to finish her documentary
on hopscotch that weekend.
And Harris has...
Harris can't do it because Harris has to go
to a box kite convention.
But it's a pretty good core group, I think.
I think Cyrus is... No, Cyrus is committed ro...
- And you're gonna be back...
- We're gonna leave tomorrow.
We're gonna be back in, like, one or two days.
- Okay. - Three days, tops.
- Okay.
- I was...
- Oh.
- Whatever, whatever.
- Baby.
- It's fine.
You know, it's fine.
You should just go.
- Okay.
- Kay.
- I'll try to check in every hour.
- Okay.
- Bye-ee.
- Oh, my god, that's adorable.
Oh, it's, like, the perfect size for a city sidewalk.
It's so cute.
So fucking cute.
- See?
She's getting her own show now.
- I know.
She's such a whore.
- She didn't even do anything.
- She auditioned.
- Wait, you have to audition to be on Teen Mom?
- I guess, right?
- I guess.
Do you think they got pregnant first or second
when they auditioned?
- I don't know.
- I don't know either.
She's getting her own nail polish line,
and she's gonna be on Ellen.
- That's just what happens when you're on Teen Mom,
which only came from being in a sex tape that went viral.
God, she's, like... double lucky.
- Fucking viral videos?
I have more talent than she has in her little fingers combined.
- You mean you have more talent
in your little finger than she does?
- Yeah, combined.
That's what I said.
- No, you said, like,
"I've got more talent than all of her little fingers combined."
- I should be famous.
- Whoo!
- Who the fuck is this guy?
- Yo, hey, man.
- Yo.
- What you doing?
- Nothing.
I'm getting ready to peel.
Shit's getting wack.
- What are you talking about, man?
Why?
The nitrous guy's gonna be here in, like, two seconds.
- Aw, fuck that shit.
- Suit yourself, dude.
You've been dragging around all night.
What's up with you?
- Nothing.
- No, that's not nothing, man.
You're pissed off because fuckin' Katelyn
is eating the shit out of Cody's face right now.
- What? Nigga, please.
I just got mad allergies, is all.
- Oh, yeah, fuckin' allergies, man.
I thought you were off her, dude.
- Yeah, man, I don't give a fuck.
- Plus fuck him.
Fuck him for what he's been posting, you know?
- Wait, what the fuck's he been posting?
- You know, posting shit on Facebook.
- Yeah?
- Yeah, man.
He said something about, like,
this rapping faggot-tard
who's, like, making a fool of himself.
- Oh, yeah?
- Oh, yeah, man.
You didn't see that shit on Facebook?
Dude, for sure.
Man, I'm not saying it was about you,
but probably was.
- Yeah, that's right.
- That is right, dude.
Don't let him get away with that shit, dude.
You know what I'm saying?
- I'll fuck that little bitch up.
- Yeah, exa... right?
Cody's a fuckin' punk.
- He's a little bitch.
You think I can't rap, huh?
Nigga, please!
Yo, bitch.
- Cory, what the hell are you doing?
- I ain't talking to you, bitch.
I'm talking to this bitch right here.
- Fuck'd you say?
- You heard me, little bitch.
I'll fuck you up.
You think I'm a faggot?
You 'bout to gag it.
I'll dick-slap you.
I'll... dick-slap you.
I'll dick-slap you
till your pops turn blue.
Blue balls, that is.
Then I'm a take a whiz.
You think you got nuts?
Don't make me bust a gut.
These nuts are king.
These nuts...
Ah!
You hit me in the nuts!
You faggot!
- It's like a game to me when you run.
It's like a game!
This is my party now.
- Everybody stay put.
- I'll tase every last one of you mother...
Turn the fucking hip-hop off!
- You know you're not supposed to be out here.
- You, come here.
Turn that off.
The switch right there.
Is that it? Is that it?
You're not even pressing it.
Throw you in that fire!
I swear to God.
- Jeff, it's all right.
- I smell weed, man.
- Jeff.
- That's a perfectly good end table in that fire, Mark!
- Oh, god!
Mommy! Mom!
- What the fuck is that?
- Come on, man!
- Jesus, Larson.
It's barely a 2 1/2 hour drive.
- Well, you never know.
- Yeah, we're not going on, like,
a vision quest or something.
- Well, you'll be thanking me if something happens,
if we break down or there's hail or something like that.
- Hail?
- Yeah, hail.
Like, really bad hail.
It happens.
- Yeah, uh-huh.
Guys, I motion for a road trip.
Road trip!
- Ugh, I hate this song.
Can you turn the station?
Oh, man, you got to see this video Azir just sent me.
- Oh, the "punched in the nuts" kid?
- Yes.
- I saw that.
- I'll tweet it to you guys.
- You think you got nuts?
Don't make me bust a gut.
Ah!
- Oh!
You think you got nuts?
Don't make me bust a gut.
You hit me in the nuts!
- I wish it was even longer. - This is really funny.
- What are you guys laughing at?
- Look!
- You serious?
- It's got, like, a million hits already.
- Yeah, and I kind of started it.
- Oh, please.
- It doesn't have a million hits.
- It probably will soon.
- No, no, I was fucking with him on purpose,
trying to get him to fight with him.
- Cory's famous.
- I know, can you believe it?
- I was goading him on.
You know, I was the goat in that story.
- I bet he'll get on Tosh.0.
And then they'll fly him out.
They do that whole thing
where they fly out the people from the video,
and then they re-create the...
- Famous for what? Hmm?
For getting slapped in the balls?
- Hey.
- What's up her ass?
- Rotate the beers.
- Do we have everything? - Yeah.
- We got the hoodies? - They're in the trunk.
- And I also got falafel chips, just in case.
- Jesus Christ, Larson.
- Oh, this is 16, this is it.
- Oh, my god, that's the pothole.
- Wow.
- All right, this is it.
- Oh, wow.
- Should I get his mail?
- Uh, maybe.
- No, no, that's stupid.
- Hi.
Mr. Stuben.
Hi, I'm Donovan McAfree.
This is Larson Tudor.
And this is Babatunde.
Um... we're Think Tank.
We're the guys who emailed you from New York City.
- Yeah, hello.
- Hi. - Hi.
- Hello.
- Uh, can we come in?
- Yeah, sure.
- Awesome.
- All right.
- Oh, wow.
This is the nerve center.
- Oh, Mr. Stuben.
- You guys see if I had any mail out there?
- Fuck!
Sorry, sorry.
I just... I need to start listening to my instincts.
Yes, you do have some; let me go get it for you.
- Larson? - Yeah.
- Babatunde, could you guys get the stuff from the car,
I think, and bring it in?
- Great idea. - Great idea.
- Awesome, awesome. This is good; this is good.
Dave, first order of business,
can you direct me the loo?
- What?
- The WC.
Um... if one wanted to find, like, a comfort house?
Or, like, a camp station?
Would you...
Do you have a Biffy?
- These are fucking delicious.
- So, Larson, I think if we get the camera set up,
we could start interviewing Dave.
- Okay. - Great.
And while you're doing that,
I'll go ahead and I'll start the Kickstarter.
I'll start the Indiegogo, a GoFundMe account.
Babatunde, I'm gonna send you a link.
I'd love it if you'd just send it everywhere, okay?
- Sure, sure.
- Like, Gawker, send it to Reddit,
send it to BoingBoing.
- Okay, yeah.
- Make sure it goes...
- Huffington Post? - HuffPo, definitely.
Yes, especially the comments section.
- Daily Coast?
- Daily Coast, but only if it's an off-topic forum.
Same goes for Politico.
- Actually, if you could use your anonymous Reddit account,
I have five fake Reddit accounts that I could use to up-vote it.
- Um, hi?
Hi.
- You must be Katelyn.
- Dad?
- Don't be scared; we're here to help.
- Dad. - Hey, honey.
- Dad, what the fuck is going on?
- Oh, these boys, they're gonna help me
get justice with the town council.
- What? - Yeah.
They're from New York City.
Apparently there's a video online
from the council meeting the other night,
and all sorts of people
are starting to rally behind my cause.
- Yeah, your dad is about to be the most famous man in town.
- Try the state. - Mm-hmm.
- The state.
- Your father is, like, a symbol for something that's going on,
like, something big, something worldwide and local.
And it's about infrastructure, and it's about people.
- Katelyn.
Katelyn!
- That was a great Vine.
Yeah.
Hashtag "real moment."
- Oh, my god.
These documents are incriminating.
- I want to record this demo.
- Okay, you got $500?
- No, I have $300.
- Well, then...
- I will give you a hand job,
but I won't blow you, and I will not let you fuck me.
Take it or leave it.
- Okay.
Just sit on the couch.
- What up, Eminem?
- Fuck you.
- Rapping idiot gets pawned.
- Why don't you come over here
and say that to my face, you little faggot?
Yeah.
- Hang on, sometimes it takes a few minutes.
- Okay, you don't have a few minutes,
so you better fucking hurry up, you piece of shit.
- Well, if I don't come, you can't record.
That's fair.
- Fucking come, douchebag!
What is taking you so long?
- I...
I don't know.
I guess I'm not gonna come.
- Okay, then what am I supposed to do
if you're not gonna come?
- Well, if I don't come, you can't record.
That's the deal.
Sorry.
- Fine, okay. Fine.
Just...
Just get a condom,
and don't even think about kissing me.
And make it fast.
- Yeah.
- Oh, my god.
- Okay.
- Hey.
Don't just stand there.
Go pick that shit up.
God.
- Hey, let's go, come on, back to work.
You want to do this next weekend too?
First, you show your junk in public, and...
Hey.
I'm talking to you.
Looking fine, brother.
Yeah, ooh.
I bet he's got nice abs.
Lift your shirt up, man.
- Oh, god.
Oh.
Okay.
See, that wasn't so bad, right?
- Where's your bathroom?
- Uh... it's right back...
I'll just start setting everything up.
- We need way less Drambuie.
- Check it out, you guys.
America's next top number one idol.
- You got the demo? - Oh, cool!
Right.
Oh, my god, you're gonna love it.
I'm so excited.
- Professional.
Professionally done.
- Yeah, you can totally tell that.
- You can?
Worth it. Worth it.
- Good.
- So that's...
Is that, like, the final thing? That's it?
- Yeah, well, I mean, she can still make changes.
It's like a process, you know?
You do it over; you send it back and fo...
- Yeah, no, it's done.
- Oh.
- But if you wanted to,
like, you could still tweak it.
- Why would I want to tweak it?
I think it's great.
I mean, do you think that there's something wrong with it?
- No, I just was thinking,
like, you could just keep making it better,
and then if you wanted to,
you could, like...
- Bring the vocals down just a tiny bit, you know?
And then maybe pitch it up, add some bass to it.
- Bass. - You know.
And then before you turn it in to The Voice,
you could, you know...
- Well, I think it's perfect.
- Oh, okay.
- And I overnighted a copy to them already.
Fingers crossed.
- Okay.
- That's awesome.
I'm so proud of you.
- Thanks.
- Good luck.
- What's that supposed to mean?
- Nothing, it means good luck.
- You guys, I'm so excited!
I just feel so good to know that this is gonna happen.
- Just... you know, never know
what the criteria is, that's all.
- Oh, I've actually seen every episode of The Voice.
I know what they're looking for, and...
oh, my god, Crystal, some of the shit
that they put on there, it's terrible.
- I'm just saying, you never know.
That's all.
- I do. - No, you don't.
There might be a million different reasons
they take one person over the next, just never know.
- Oh, my god, Crystal. - What?
That's just the reality of the situation.
That's how these shows work.
- Please, Crystal.
I hate to bring this up, because I know it's a sore spot.
But you lost Junior Star Search like, a hundred years ago.
And then someone like me with talent
that's young and pretty comes around,
and I'm sure it's hard,
and I'm sure you're kind of jelly,
but... what?
Why did you look at her like that?
- What? - I saw that look you gave her.
I don't need to be condescended to, okay?
- I didn't.
- Fuck you, Julie.
- I didn't. - Fuck you.
I saw that look you gave.
I saw it.
- Listen, she's just trying to help.
- Oh, and fuck you very much, too, Crystal.
I just think it's really sad how you sit around
and, like, try to bring me down
to make yourself feel better because you were such a failure.
Okay?
You're sad to me.
You're really sad.
I hope I never get old and bitter like you.
- You're out of your fucking mind.
You are so naive.
You think you have a chance in hell
of getting on The Voice?
Do you?
That's never gonna happen.
Katelyn, you can't sing.
You cannot sing.
You're never gonna get on The Voice,
not in a million years, okay?
You need to face the facts.
- Wow.
Super sad.
Really pitiful.
Ellen, you're totally right.
It's just...
You're just so right.
You have to battle the haters.
I mean, to quote my favorite Kelly Clarkson song,
"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger."
I will say, though,
I think growing up in this small, simple...
Leave me alone.
I think growing up in this...
You know, in a very small town
with a bunch of sad people
made me the star that I am today.
And just, like, they...
They're just the kind of people
that don't understand talent, and...
Aw, thank you.
Thank you, I know.
Now they see it,
like, along with the rest of the world.
But, you know...
- This is serious, okay?
So I guess you and Julian had sex or something?
Did you know that he recorded it on his phone?
I mean, I don't know if that's true or not,
but that's what Christian said.
And Julian's an asshole.
He'll share it with, like, everybody.
I'm really sorry about earlier,
but you have to call me back, okay?
I love you, bye.
- Dave is so good. - Yeah?
- He's just real.
Just everything about him is just resonating as "common,"
and that's exactly what we need.
I think this is really great for us.
I mean, this is, like...
- Mm-hmm.
- I think this is really gonna put Think Tank on the map.
- Oh.
- I just put the link up the other night,
and it's already getting a ton of hits.
People are, like, reposting it everywhere.
- Wow.
And when are you coming back?
- Well, we will definitely be here
at least two more days,
because the next council meeting is Tuesday.
- Huh.
- Ooh, I miss you!
- Yeah, you too.
- Well, um, just come up if you can.
- I can do that.
- All right, bye. - Bye.
- And I would please like to have
the oatmeal and raisins, s'il vous plait.
- Sure, I'll be right back with your coffee.
- Gracias. - Raisins.
- Thank you, au revoir.
- Raisins. - Raisins.
Oh, I love your shirt.
- What? - Your shirt.
I love it; it's great.
- Oh, thanks.
- Funny.
If we're gonna push this on Instagram...
- What?
- Oh, your shirt, it's funny.
It's great; it's a great shirt.
- How's it funny?
- I mean, it's... you know...
- No.
I don't know.
- Um... I didn't mean
that it was funny like,
"Hahahaha, look at you," at all.
I mean funny like, "Ooh, that's odd," you know?
Not, like, abnormal in any way, at all.
Like, of course not.
Like, if anything, it's, like, extra normal.
That's a normal shirt,
hyper-normal shirt.
- Rich, come on, just sit down.
- You know, I wouldn't even think "funny" is the right word.
I think "fun." Just think "fun."
It's a fun shirt.
It's a fun, normal shirt.
It's a normal, fun shirt.
Just fun and normal.
- It's all right.
- Fun shirt.
So, anyway, I was...
- Oh, man.
- So if we push this out on, like Pinterest...
- I got to have that shirt.
Sir.
- Larson, Larson, Larson.
- Hey, man.
Bro, where'd you get it?
- Did you just touch me?
- Where'd you get the shirt?
- Larson, Larson.
- I got it at "don't touch me."
- I really like it.
- Sir, thank you for your answer.
- I got a buddy who would love that shirt.
You know, Bran.
He started Grinder.
He would love that.
- Yeah.
- Wait, what?
- We're very sorry. - We're very sorry.
- Okay, they apologized.
- I like her shirt too.
- That's enough.
Let's go.
Let it go.
- Do you remember if they had mediums?
- Oh, my god.
- Because coconut milk has nutrients.
Soy is filled with estrogen.
- It's not filled with estrogen!
- Yes it is! - Guys!
- If you drink soy milk for a year,
you're gonna grow breasts.
- I drink soy milk all the time!
- I think you guys have carried over
some of that hostile energy from the restaurant into the car.
What the hell is this?
- Piquing state-wide interest in one man's fight
for rectitude and justice,
which has led to a tremendous outpouring of support
due to an internet video that has gone viral.
And now 45-year-old Dave Stuben
finds himself a bit of a local celebrity.
We sent our Action News 2 Action News 2 Action Crew
to Monticello to find out more.
- If there are trees to be cut,
I would be happy to be part of that committee,
for recommendation or refusal.
- Um, hi, yeah.
Dave?
Where's Dave?
- You must be Donovan.
- I'm Marshal.
- Hi, yeah, what's going on here?
- We saw your video.
It is fuckin' brills, by the way.
And, well, we decided to come up and help out.
- Oh, yeah, well, we've kind of got it taken care of, so...
- Oh, my god.
Your video is brill, so good.
- I already said that.
Also, "brill" is my word.
We talked about that.
- Thank you.
- We're Brain Box, a collective out of Brooklyn.
- Oh, that's what we do. - Oh.
- Yeah, we're Think Tank out of Greenpoint, so...
- Oh.
We're out of Bushwick.
- Donovan, there's something that you need to see.
- So you consider it really an injustice.
- There is no justice in this town, none.
- And what did you do about it?
- Well, I wrote a letter to the federal attorney general,
the ACLU, the state attorney general,
and the River Reporter.
- And what kind of response did you get?
- And I saved them all.
They're all on file.
I save everything.
All the letters, I have them on file.
- Psst, Dave.
- For your own protection, right?
- Yes, for my own protection.
- And what kind of response did you get?
- Hey, hey, guy.
Do you mind?
- Sorry.
David, can I talk to you for a second?
- Oh, they're interviewing me, Donovan.
- Let me ask you that again.
What kind of response did you get?
- Nothing.
- All right, secret meeting in the Zipcar... now.
- ...not respect people who vote them into office.
- Yeah. - All of them.
- The concerned citizen.
You've... you've...
You're frustrated by the system.
- Yeah, there is no system.
This is the United States of Russia.
- I have an interview set up with Dave.
- Oh, great, yeah, my cousin works at Buzzfeed.
- This is gonna put Thought Manifesto
on the map, dudes.
- The car recognizes Larson.
- Is it possible to make any kind of legal claim
on Dave's image?
Like, can we...
- No, no.
I don't think so at all.
I don't think that'll work, sorry.
I was hoping to save this for Tuesday
when we had momentum on our side,
but I think the time has come...
for the hoodies.
- Are you serious?
It seems like we said
the hoodies were gonna be a Tuesday thing.
That's a really big step we're making.
- A big step is exactly what we need right now.
- I'm just saying...
- There is critically little time
for discussion, for argument right now.
- There's critical little time.
- There's critically little time.
- Critical little, I think.
- It's an adverb modifying...
- I think you would agree with me
that it's critical little, not critically little.
- Critically little.
- I don't mean to be critical at this moment.
- There is little time.
There is critical little time, is... doesn't...
- Critically, there is little time.
- Then "critical" doesn't modify "little."
- Literally, if we don't...
- The time critically; it's the littleness.
- You're getting very angry right now.
- The gentleman is out of order.
The gentleman will obey the rules of the car.
- Sorry, fine, fine.
- The floor... the car recognizes Babatunde.
- Thank you. - Fuck.
- Thank you.
- No, he said the car recognizes Babatunde.
- Babatunde, you are out of order.
- You just... - Babatunde, you are recognized.
- Thank you. I'm just saying...
- The floor recognizes Larson.
- Donovan, I am 100% behind the hoodies.
I also want to just suggest a muffin.
- You're out of order.
- How?
- Lars... - I'm sorry.
- Is there any way...
- Larson is out of order.
- Is there any way that we can...
- Babatunde is out of order.
- I am raising my hand, sir.
- You are raising your voice,
and you are out of order.
- You're raising your voice.
There's a lot of negative energy right now.
- The car recognizes a valid point for Baba...
- Oh! No!
Stop it! Stop it!
Let's just get the fucking hoodies.
- Dave?
We got you a hoodie.
- Are you looking for the guy who lives here?
- Um, yes, Dave.
- They took him into town to get a mani-pedi.
Hey, by the way,
amazing video.
- Let's go back to the motor lodge.
We need to regroup.
Comrades, we have 48 hours
until Dave Stuben addresses the world.
What say you?
- I could go for a veggie burger.
- Does this place get HBO?
- You guys!
We have things to do.
- Katelyn!
Katelyn, come on, it's been two fucking days!
Katelyn!
I'm serious.
If you don't answer the door, I'm gonna call the cops.
- Our Buzzfeed article...
- Who are you people?
Dad!
- Hey, you must be Katelyn.
- What the fuck is going on?
- What? - What's happening?
- Oh, your dad's in town.
He's getting outfitted.
- Why?
Why is the news here?
- Because of your dad.
They're doing a story on him.
And us.
- And who are you people?
- Well, I don't presume to speak for everybody.
But I'm with Brain Box.
We're an advocacy group out of Brooklyn.
- Okay, look, I don't know what that is.
My dad isn't really equipped for this, okay?
He, like, doesn't have the personality.
He's a little off.
Do you understand that?
- I know, but that's why we're here.
He needs us.
We're here to help.
- This is insanity.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Guns are not the answer.
This isn't about you, asshole.
- My bong!
Oh.
Dude, did you break something?
Who are you?
- I'm Cory Janike...
Motherfuckin' C-to-the-Y!
- Huh?
- Oh, I know you.
- Bitch. - Dude.
- I heard you had a sex tape of you and Katelyn Stuben.
- Um, no.
- Bullshit!
I know you do.
Christian Snyder said you told him,
and you were gonna show him.
- Okay, are you her boyfriend or something, or...
- Where is it?
- Okay, dude, it was nothing.
What the fuck do you care anyway?
Jesus Christ, man!
All right, all right, all right, I have it!
All right, it's on my phone!
Look.
Fuck, dude.
- Katelyn!
- Of course.
You fucking creeps.
- Whoa, wait.
I was coming to save you.
I mean, get this from this asshole.
Erase it, I mean!
- Cory, shut up!
Give me the hammer.
- He was, actually.
That is what he was gonna...
- Give me the fucking hammer.
- Okay, shh.
What's up with your pops and the city council?
- I can help with your pops, for reals.
I love you.
- Who else has this?
Who else has this?
- No one, no one.
I swear I'm telling the truth.
No one.
- You better be fucking telling me the truth,
you piece of shit.
- I am.
- Give me your phone.
- Why?
- Give me your phone, Cory!
I'll shoot you in the dick.
- Okay, shit.
It's not even on there.
Holy shit.
Okay, shit.
Yo, what the...
Oh, what the fuck!
- Ugh!
I hate you.
- What the fuck, man?
- I hate you!
Katelyn!
Katelyn, I was telling you the truth.
Katelyn, I was trying to get rid of it.
I'm serious!
Katelyn!
Fuck!
- Really?
Not even one car?
I'm just afraid it's gonna get chaotic.
You know, screaming and who knows what.
Well, I don't know what else to do, Tom, okay?
You know, there's news crews.
There's these web people.
It's crazy.
There's press all over this thing.
Yeah, you've seen it.
National.
All right.
Megyn!
- Ma'am.
- Get on the phone, call.
Get me some extra security for tonight.
- You want guns?
- What? No, people.
Security people, guards, whatever they're called.
Call, get me some extra for tonight.
- Yes, ma'am.
- Oh, Megyn. - Yes, ma'am.
- Call that Tour de Force nail salon.
Make me an appointment.
- Ma'am?
- CNN is coming.
I want to look presentable.
- He should be here any minute.
Be ready.
- Hi, I'm Katelyn Stuben.
- Hi.
- I'm Dave's daughter.
- Hm?
- Dave, his daughter.
You know, the guy that all this is for?
I'm his daughter.
- Oh, yeah? - Yeah.
- He's quite a man.
- Yes, he is.
- Oh, thank you so much for letting us intrude like this.
- Oh, my gosh, no problem at all.
I was an only child.
I don't have any siblings.
So...
I'm not a reporter,
but I've watched the news a bit,
and I think that's a great story.
- Oh... yeah.
- Can I help you guys with anything?
- Oh, no, that's all right.
- Like an interview or anything?
- No.
Thanks.
Oh, this is him.
- Hey, there he is!
- Dad?
- Dave! - Dave!
- Dave, how was the dump, Dave?
- Uh, okay.
- Dave, how's it feel to be a part of this movement?
- Dad?
Dad.
- Oh, hey, honey.
- Hey, Dave?
I need to talk to you.
I have a few ideas I want to run by you for tonight.
- Dad.
- And the... we need to talk to you about your outfit, okay?
- Dad. - And your mustache.
- Dad?
- The acronym would be
O.T.T.S.T.D...
D.D.T.I.
- It's too long of a hashtag.
- I'm thinking of forward slashing it.
- Well, fuck, we'll do both.
- Operation Think Tank Saves the Day,
Dave's Day, That Is.
Perfect.
- Haters gonna hate.
Players gonna play.
Make the universe sit up.
Tonight they gonna pay.
Will they say my name out loud,
do my mama proud, I'm allowed.
As I force-field my rhymes
through intergalactic prime times,
it's get-up-and-go time.
Motherfuckers, it's showtime.
Yeah, bitches!
- I'm a veteran of two wars, and I can tell you,
the Founding Fathers would be ashamed of our behavior.
They would laugh at us.
Adding a stop sign at the corner of Dumont and Crawford
is exactly what they fought against.
- Time.
Thank you, Mr. Hapsburg.
- Thank you.
- It's always a treat to hear from our constituents.
Winetta McKey.
Sweetheart.
I never said the word "school" or "crossing."
- That's what I wrote down.
- Oh, must be the pen's fault, then.
- 62 Huntsman Lane.
I would like to address the issue of the...
- Oh, Donovan, be my eyes.
- We're here; take a look at this.
- I have a hip dysplasia, and...
- Isn't it amazing?
- Oh, go get 'em, babe.
- I wrote down things that I can say.
I'll... I'll be back.
- Thank you so much, Ms. McKey.
Your insight is very much appreciated.
Um...
Dave Stuben.
- Yeah! Dave!
- Dave, yeah. - This is amazing.
Dave!
- Dave's about to speak.
It's gonna be... epic.
- Remember, you have three minutes,
and three minutes only.
That way, we get to hear from everyone
who wants to participate in democracy.
- Yeah.
Dave Stuben.
In the United States,
all people are created equal,
but not in the city of Liberty.
Liberty is like Berlin under Hitler.
And it's time to...
It's time to drain the swamp.
The town council and the mayor
don't answer the people's questions.
And the town council is there for us,
but are they there for us?
They're there for us...
but "no" is more like it.
I believe in all people and religion and freedom
and justice for all.
We used to be part of England under the king,
and one of the grievances was,
"He sent hither swarms of officers
to harass our people and eat out our substance."
That is a quote from the Declaration of Independence,
and I would like that put in the record.
Official request.
So I have a question, then, for the city council
and especially you, Ms. Casserta.
If I do pay my fair share of taxes,
How come I can't get nobody to plow my street?
- Well, Mr. Stuben...
Here in Liberty, we are very lucky
to have a reciprocal agreement with the village of Ellenville
so that if something were to happen...
- Yes, okay, yeah.
Well, guess what, I talked to that guy,
or tried to call him.
Mr.... Mr. Anucci, that jerk.
And getting... getting an answer from him
is like getting blood from a turnip!
So, Ms. Casserta, my question for you is the same one.
How do I get somebody to plow my street?
- Well, I don't know how else to explain this, Dave.
But if we run short here in Liberty,
we are lucky enough to be able to go to Ellenville and...
- Yeah, I understand that.
I understand that, remember?
A few weeks ago when I had a letter
from Amnesty International and the federal attorney general
and you made me feel ridiculous?
Well, guess who's feeling ridiculous now, Ms. Casserta.
'Cause I have the whole town and TV and the entire internet.
And they're watching you make a fool of yourself.
- Dave, let's stay calm now, okay?
- I am one man trying to seek redress
from his elected officials.
I am trying to right a wrong...
- Time.
- In Liberty!
- Thank you, Mr. Stuben. - No, no more.
No, I have more to say!
- That is all the time you have. - No!
You will let me speak!
- Let Dave speak!
Let Dave speak!
- Where in the U.S. Constitution does it say
that people only get three minutes to speak?
Let Dave speak!
- Ask your lawyer that!
Ask your lawyer that!
- That's enough, Dave.
And I will have the rest of you
thrown out for public disturbance.
- And it's... ugh!
It's 'cause of those Jews who run that stupid ACLU!
And they won't return my letters 'cause they're too busy
defending all the scum of the earth,
like gays and Muslims!
- That is quite enough.
- And it's 'cause you are taking marching orders
from Barack Obama,
that socialist nigger in the White House!
Yes, you are!
You are being bullied by him!
And I don't even support him officially.
Barack Hussein Obama.
Did you know "Barack" is a Jewish word?
And it means lightning.
It's in the Bible, Luke 10:18.
Satan came down as lightning.
- That's enough.
- Satan will come down as lightning!
- Wait, was that part of your... - No!
- That's in the Bible! I want it in the record!
- Dave.
- You, and all the liberal...
all the liberal Jew-run media and their enablers!
- Dave.
- They are authorizing
the corporate elite in this country!
- Dave, don't make me...
- I heard that on Alex Jones, so it's true!
- Dave.
- I heard it on Alex Jones, so I know it's true!
- Guards, remove Mr. Stuben from the floor.
- You and your global warming!
If global warming's such a problem,
how come my street has snow all over it
for an entire winter?
How come?
I am talking.
I have a right to speak in this council.
These people are with me!
- I'm with you on some of it, Dave!
- They're behind me!
- On some of it, Dave.
Oh, I see.
You're a bunch of cattle.
Huh?
When the truth comes out,
the cowards sit down and shut their mouths.
Yeah.
Nothing but a bunch of cows.
Why don't you faggots go back to Jew York
and finish sucking each other's cocks?
- We the people are the government, Ms. Casserta!
- You give 'em hell, Dave!
I got your back!
- Don't worry, Mr. Stuben.
I got your back.
I'm doing this for Katelyn.
I love your daughter!
I'm Cory.
It's C-to-the-Y.
And in between it's "R."
- The fuck?
- Ah! Ahh!
- What is happening over there?
Honey, are you okay?
- Isn't somebody gonna stop this?
- If you can hear this computer, help him!
- There you go, yeah.
- Ah!
- There you go.
- It's all right, everyone.
Calm down, calm down.
Everybody, calm down.
- This is what you have wrought!
This whole town council is rotten to the core!
- Shut up, Dave!
- Come on, come on.
- Turn the fucking hip-hop off!
Can someone show me how to turn this fucking thing off, please?
- All right. - YOLO, motherfuckers!
Katelyn, I'm on TV!
- Katelyn?
- Dad, please.
This is my time now.
- Baby.
Hi.
I'm Katelyn Stuben.
I'm from Liberty, New York.
And I will be singing Brave by Sara Bareilles.
- Katelyn!
Stop!
Ugh!
Egh!
- Well, it's the story that just won't go away.
Last week's crazy story
from the small town of Liberty, New York,
just keeps getting, well, even crazier.
- Well, crazy isn't even the half of it, Mario.
Apparently, Katelyn Stuben,
the girl who hijacked the city council meeting
and "sang" the Sara Bareilles song Brave,
now has a sex tape out.
- Oh.
- No word of how it was leaked
or who leaked it,
but it has gone absolutely viral,
and a mash-up of the two videos has quickly become
the most popular video on the internet.
- Now, we must stress that Katelyn is only 19 years old,
so this show does not necessarily
approve of our airing this.
- I'm Katelyn Stuben.
I'm from Liberty, New York.
And I'll be singing Brave by Sara Bareilles.
- Thank you, Contestant 1.
And now, singing Harden my Heart by Quarterflash,
all the way from Liberty, New York,
here is Crystal Minari.
- Thank you, Contestant 1.
And now, singing Harden my Heart by Quarterflash,
all the way from Liberty, New York,
here is Crystal Minari.
- Thank you, Contestant 1.
And now, singing Harden my Heart by Quarterflash,
all the way from Liberty, New York,
here is Crystal Minari.
- Hey!